It was a grim moment in a grim time, the hardest of times. For all intents and purposes I'd been on my feet for thirty six hours standing by my wife's death bed, waiting out the customary seventy two hours before pulling the plug to set her free of a failed body. It was hard times. I was utterly exhausted, the sweethearts crewing the ward were watching me like the proverbial hawk, far more closely than they were watching their official patient, they had monitors on her. For me reality was beginning to bend around the edges, there just wasn't a whole lot left to work with.
Desperate for something, anything, to keep me vertical I started rummaging through the room, opening the little drawers and looking to see what was to be seen. In the little roll around table I found what so many travelers have found in one odd drawer or another, I found a copy of a Gideon's bible. The volume was untouched, never opened, who knows how long it had lain in that drawer waiting for me.
I have a history with that book. I've read it exactly once, as a child and under compulsion. I didn't get much from it on that pass. But as the years since have fallen into history I've noticed that I've never lifted any version of that book with an honest heart that it didn't fall open to a passage appropriate to the moment, to the need at hand. I looked at the cover, and I remember wondering what it might have for me in such a moment as the one I was living. I riffled the pages several times front to back, didn't count the passes, just let the pages flip by my thumb. I don't really recall how many times... six, eight, ten times, and then stopped the pages. When I cracked the spine, opened the volume to read the passage beneath my thumb I almost decided the Bible had failed me for the first time. But it hadn't, in point of fact in the months since I've realized it delivered the most timely warning I've ever been given, bar none. The most timely warning, and the most demanding challenge possible.
What verse was given me? My thumb was in the middle of the Gospel of St. Jude, the very shortest book of the bible. Two pages. You figure the odds. To be specific my thumb pointed to the 17th through 22nd verses of Jude where he speaks of those who choose the instincts of the flesh over the spirit, where he speaks to rejecting the carnal as a sad substitute for the peace of mind only possible to those who live their mortal lives to honor their best understanding of their Creator's ultimate intentions. It's only a few verses, but it's some very heavy reading.
In that desperate moment I laughed out loud. The nurse looked around at me, I'm sure that laugh was bordering on delirious. I shrugged, she shrugged, I put the book back where I'd found it. Ok God, I'm not going to go fucking nuts chasing pussy now that you've seen fit to let my wife go home. Not my style anyway. I wasn't all that impressed, but still, my tradition held and I remembered what I'd been given. Some eighteen months later the value of the gift revealed itself to me, sometimes God's gifts take a bit to understand. As a matter of fact that gift is still giving, and the gift just keeps getting bigger.
There is a man in my town I'm supposed to meet, even though he and I are from opposite sides of the onion. I learned of him from Omega, he owns the house where her circuit of the bdsm crowd hold their gatherings to stage their perverted recreations. There's some extremely unsavory things happen in his house. At one point in time I'd have gunned him down in cold blood and just kept walking, taken delight at watching his eyes go from animal to dead. But no more. I've come to understand that dealing with my utter revulsion at what he fosters under his roof without resorting to lethal anger and blinding contempt is part of my test as a man. I'm coming to believe how God views my dealings with him will play a major role in how much support the Almighty will offer me in my desire to put an end to the abomination he embraces, the abomination of bdsm.
He's reported as a devout pagan, I'm sure he'd find it utterly unbelievable that he owes his very life to that passage about trying to pull the lost souls back from the very edge of the fire found in a copy of the Bible left in a hospital room. But that's ultimately the truth of the matter. That oh so timely warning probably saved his life, and my soul. The Bible is not something I take lightly.
though espoused to be "the word of God", i consider the Bible to be what was inspired in the various authors as that which they hoped their God would want to be said about various life circumstances, IOW, written by a committee of individuals having the good of society at heart. i assume the same about all religious 'good books'.
ReplyDeletethough solidly Agnostic, i consider this book to be of general benefit to society, provided the faithful does not become dogmatic about it, [which BTW you never have, 'nos]. when considering whether the things which influence us in our life decisions come from faith-based supernatural sources, or from our brain-based pattern recognition 'software' as activated via a coincidence, [as you know from past communications], i consider both as tentatively viable possibilities.
having said all that,'nos, whatever the actual source of the initial influence, it is good that You made the decisions you made.
;) pip
"Annihilation itself is no death to evil. Only good where evil was, is evil dead." -- George MacDonald, Lilith
ReplyDeleteIf you had killed him, Cyranos, you would only have made him a martyr, and probably two more houses would have opened up where there was only one before. But if by God's grace, mercy and help you bring him to a full understanding of what he does--or at least as full an understanding as you have now--he may well become a major force for stopping the flow of BDSM into American life. There is no evangelist so effective as one who was a great sinner; he knows what he speaks of and where the chains' weakest links are.
St. Matthew chapter 7
ReplyDelete1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
6 ¶ Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
It is not your place to determine the proper course of the lives of others. What you espouse is more of an affront to free will than BDSM could ever be. Your very actions show you to desire to be a Dominant, you seek to control others lives, "for their own good". You are becoming the very thing that you despise so much. The difference being that where a submissive enters into the arrangement of their own free will you manipulate situations until you have created a situation that suits your sense of ethics and morality. That makes you far worse than any Dom or Master in the BDSM community. You should truly try to master yourself before you attempt to usurp someones freedom of choice.
You seek to have BDSM not to exist yet you beg for it to be in your life by both chasing it and by focusing on it. The private affairs of others are not yours to judge. Follow the advice of the carpenter you worship . If you keep this strain of thought you will find yourself very alone. No one is asking you to participate in their private lives, despite what ever you may believe. Stop inviting yourself into peoples private lives in this manner. You will only keep attracting BDSM into your life because you both fear it and seek to destroy it. From the sounds of the last ten posts you need to seek professional help as, your mind and posts have deteriorated. Your manhood should never be more important than the life of another human being. If you keep compromising peoples safety and privacy you will find that you are like more like Cain than you ever imagined.
NOW GO AND JUDGE NO MORE.
(replying in reverse order, bottom to top)
DeleteIn the first place it is not yours to command my life. I WILL judge fair from foul, wholesome from not, what has the potential to support life and what can only degrade and despoil life. Slavery and coercion, cruelty and despair (bdsm) are not things that support life, I will not allow any form or faction of such into my life regardless of what others might choose. I, like every other living thing, have the right to protect my own life from predators that seek to destroy the value of my life.
Cain? Please. That was the entire point of this post, that courtesy of a very timely and quite possibly divinely orchestrated warning I DID NOT commit the sin of murder even under circumstances that could not have been better designed to tempt me (and I freely admit, for a time they did). The very perfection of that temptation is why I have changed my stance on bdsm (an evil that has done my life FAR more harm than I've ever spoken of in this or any other forum) to one of active opposition, it is why I am now working to improve my own ethical defenses against manipulations of the sort evils such as bdsm are fond of using... which if you'd read 21 posts back (Tactical, Vigilante and Succubus... 2/24/13) you'd already know.
How am I compromising anyone's safety or privacy? I have named no names, spoken only in the abstract, the generic, the empirical. I have spoken of events in my life, using aliases to protect privacy where needed, but then again it is my life and I have that right.
What does my manhood have to do with someone else's life? A bit non sequitur IMO.
As for me seeking bdsm? That is as far from the truth as it is possible to get. Each and every time that evil has attacked my life it has been the furthest thing from my mind, nowhere on the stage of perception. In point of fact it would seem that each time I forgave and was truly on the edge of forgetting another attack was launched. This is not a singular thing, there have been multiple events over the last fifty years that conform to that pattern, far to many to write off as simple coincidence. The severity of this last attack is what brought the pattern into full focus for me, why I am so grateful for the, believe it or not, fully compassionate aid of the one (a practicing member of the bdsm community) who initiated that attack who swears (at this point in time I believe her) that she had no earthly idea as to her own motives in the matter. I'm convinced she was being used/manipulated by someone, who or what is still a very open question.
You seriously underestimate me if you think I'm going to fall for the oldest trick in the abuser/rapist handbook: proclaiming the victim invited the attack.
Your second paragraph is a total mystery. Which posts does it refer to? I've yet to speak of my plans to combat bdsm, no sense in tipping my hand to the enemy. In point of fact my plans are intended to destroy bdsm by destroying the environment that produces such despair as to enable it to exist (beyond that very small percentage afflicted with genuine psychiatric sadomasochism). What I have in mind most likely won't even be noticed by anyone currently involved. The evil of bdsm is an ancient affliction based on even older evils, it can't be taken down quickly. But it can be taken down now that society is advanced enough to support the effort required. This entire paragraph makes me wonder who you are actually talking to.
As for your scripture quotes? God knows all of my sins and shortcomings, the times I failed, the times I was capable of better than I did. God knows all of them, and I know most of them. Sooner or later I'm very sure HE will fill me in on the ones I fail to understand and repent. Until then I'm just going to keep doing the best I can, regardless of what the world might think.
hmmm... does 'Anonymous' not judge? rather sanctimoniously, i'd suggest, [being careful myself not to judge]. does he bring a point worth considering? i dunno.
ReplyDeletepip
If "Anonymous" does "bring a point worth considering", it is likely that our Cyranos has considered it. :)
Delete