I don’t know what I’d do
without the stream of folks who come through the diner. Well, I do know, but it would be terribly
boring by comparison. I’d be reduced to
living on movies and internet computer games and such like, and I’m sorry but
those just don’t really cut it where I’m concerned. Far to contrived and simplistic for my taste. As is so often the case the thought of the
day began from a snippet of someone else’s conversation that drifted and echoed
and bounced into my ears sitting as I often do in the little booth in the back
corner where all such echoes converge.
If I were going to describe
them I’d have to call them successful people.
Attractive and wholesome, and somehow they carried that understated air
of genuine success about them: works accomplished that had shaped their
history, works underway shaping their dreams and ambitions. No doubt academics of one sort or another,
they left me no clue as to their chosen focus of study. There was an air of easy intimacy about them,
they were comfortable in each other’s company.
Could have been man and wife, could have been just coworkers pulled off
for a bite of midnight breakfast before going back into the fray, might have
been a pair of young lovers enjoying a fine affair in the height of its’ glory. Since I’m a dirty old man at heart I’m gonna
go with the third assumption and wish them five dimensional fireworks for a lullaby
and a quicky at dawn just to help jump the eighteen hours until there’d be
another chance. If you were going to
make a movie about them you’d likely set it in Paris
Anyhow, their conversation
came into focus as they were discussing a common acquaintance, someone it would
seem they’d both known but from different beginnings, set in a different time
frame than their relationship. There was
a subtle tone of warning to the fellows comments, I don’t think he really
trusted this person. Judging by the
point by point nods and soft sad smile I’d say she was likely in agreement with
his assessment, but it wasn't a happy thing for her, not really. In the end she closed the segment with the
statement that popped the thought for which I’m indebted to them. She said “Yea,
I knew him before he was Doctor…”
She’d known him while he
was still human, before he was Doctor So
and So of something or another. Her
comment became an edge, a guarded frontier, the fall of the guillotine. As Doctor So and So he was judged by a
different set of expectations than normal folk are. Empowered by the whole Doctor thing what she’d
once known as simply endearing or annoying quirks of personality became
dangerous anomalies for those who dealt with him from the same perspective as
the fellow who didn't seem to really trust him.
From her tone of voice it would seem it was the whole Doctor thing that
had precipitated a set of less than happy changes.
Their gift to me was the
realization of how very often this happens, and a perspective opening onto an
expanded understanding of the consequences.
For those who live in society (unlike myself who lives beside society)
the various ranks and positions within create quite different degrees of expectation burdened on people. Since the expectations people live with,
societies or their own, play such a major role in the ultimate state of their
happiness I’ll call it a gift to have a little illumination on the subject.
If you've only known
someone at some given level of “success” within society then of course there’s
no point of comparison to what they were before, or what they might become
later. It’s only if you know someone as
they cross some social boundary that you get to really see the full price of
success. You know, Joe was a good dude
until he got promoted into management and all his old friends drifted away
because he turned into an asshole just like the rest of them. Did Joe really change that much? Who knows.
What is certain is that Joe transitioned into a new environment where
the Joe that was had to adapt to survive, and those who had held Joe in their
sphere of empathy found that the old motives for including him just didn't seem
to apply anymore.
The thing that pings on my
thought is how if you were one of the ones who supported them in their quest
for some success above your personal experience you’re terribly likely to be
blindsided by the consequences of success, get to share in the cost but not the
value, seems I’ve heard so many whispered stories where that was the underlying
motive. Most of them were not happy
stories at all.
From the perspective of
actually understanding Happiness it seems to me that each such event is the
proverbial pebble falling in the pond creating ripples that intersect and
overlap and all to often it would seem Doppler themselves right out of
existence leaving the overall system no richer in happiness than it was. One of those hidden functions of the human
condition that promotes the status quo rather than improvement in the quality
of life. One of those things that if it
were to be fully understood from the perspective of the common humanity could
be promoted out of the status quo to be a thing of genuine value justifying the
cost of success.
But how? How do impart such
an understanding to those who’ve yet to cross such a personal boundary if
indeed they ever will? Damn good
question. Another damn good question to
join the ever growing pile of good questions on the subject of happiness. This may take more than a year. A lot more.
Possible reasons for changes in co-worker behavior:
ReplyDeleteThere are the fortunate few who, if independently wealthy, would happily work at their vocations without pay. Then there are the rest of us who, though work is not necessarlily always a drag, are there only for the money, as much as we can earn without totally selling our souls.
I spent 24 years working in a business where I at first assumed advancement into relatively high management was well within my potential. However, as the company was 'progressively' merged into two subsequent companies, each with more predatory corporate 'employee demand without equal compensation' than the previous, I found that upward mobility required compromises I could not make. in a nutshell, I had too much empathy for my fellow employees.
I was forcably promoted twice. Both times i made them take it back, [but kept the raises in hourly pay, of course]. Meanwhile, I made sure i received the highest annual raises, and occasional merit raises too. How i did these things is another story.
'Having said all that', I spent years in a position where I could see the changes in the behaviors of fellow workers who either; finally accepted promotion into management after years of simply doing a fine job; or - was intent on advancement from the very beginning, and subsequently moved up, [a few quite far up].
Many, maybe most, employers warn new managers to 'not fratranize', always be businesslike, to let old friendships go - so as to never be subject to credible accusations of favoritism. Some new managers of course, cannot do this without appearing cold where they used to be warm. No more stops at the nearby pub for a couple of beers with friends from work. They, having accepted the company line, sadly think they have to appear to be pricks.
A very few have an innate ability to not play favorites while still maintaining fairly warm friendships. Unless pushed too far by some idiot currying favors, thay will never be pricks.
Some simply are more inherently adept at using people. What appeared as friendships were just ways of getting along until their maneuvering for advancement gained fruition. They used others to get there. It becomes ingrained as a way toward further success. They're selfish, maybe a bit sociopathic. They're always going to be pricks.
In our social lives, everyone tries to play the part we, deep inside, want to play, unless we're psychically unable to for various nature/nurture reasons. We do what we become 'as meant to do' - not from the beginning, nothing fated, but as life and our inherited natures at any particular time dictate us to do. Though we try, we have little free will, unless we acquire 'the skill' of using it. That also, is another story.
Management, being made up of humans, will behave as humans do - in all varieties.
Happiness, [or 'contentment with one's life', as continued 'happiness' may be an unattainable quixotic quest]?
Contentment may be our attainment of a reasonable amount of self-understanding, to the point of closer observation of, and better understanding of, the behavior of others. This, not to judge ourselves or others, but to be able to accept both.
Contentment is the acceptance of life as it is unfolding, with neither confusion nor upset - to live 'now', appreciating one's consciousness and the whole of the cosmos and existence.
Contentment is to know: 'life feels personal, but it's not'. I think I am quite content...
IMO - from what I've learned - :) pip
I've known folks who got "doctored" without losing their humanity. My brother-in-law is one such; he doesn't even like to be called "doctor." But his first goal is to do good work--not to advance himself.
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