Captain oh captain, this one is strange even for me…

=== originally published 11/11/2014... but, with elections back on the horizon it might be a good time to revisit this thought... ====

I was browsing on me favorite tabloid blog today and came across something that simply begged for a paranoid conspiracy theorist comment.  Of course, being a legitimate paranoid conspiracy theory buff there was no way in a bikini clad Viking hell I was going to fill in all the blanks to post the comment where I saw the article, c’mon.  But being a loyal citizen of me native land I figured I’d post one here and let our black hat spy vs. spy  guys get the laugh instead of theirs, and anyway, no need for the Department of Mental Manipulation to waste tax money finding me twice.

[ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2827518/Found-viral-infection-makes-nearly-HALF-stupid-lasts-YEARS.html ]

The point of the article was an asserted-as-emerging bit of science crossing up the realms of Botany and Psychology.  Turns out there is a virus only found in nature in certain fresh water algae that in a quicky grab and go study was also  found in 44% of the humans tested.  The kicker is this: regardless of any and all other factors those carrying the virus performed significantly below those without in a series of tests designed to indicate cognitive functionality!  Yes, that is what that means: those with the virus were universally dumber than those without.  A random 44% universally dumber than the remaining 56% where the only discernible difference was the presence of this otherwise apparently totally benign virus.  Ok, so according to those findings dumb really can be a disease. 

One problem facing the intrepid researchers was that no common contagion vector presented in the group they studied.  Nothing nada zip to explain why some had it and others didn't.  In the world of pathology this is a frightening thing, the virus had to get from the algae into the humans somehow. 

With science tapped out (for the moment) to provide a good answer it’s time for PCT International to go to work.  It’s otherwise benign, and it makes people dumber for quite a few years if not permanently?  OH MY GOD… this gentle reader is a political campaign manager/professional spin doctor’s ABSOLUTE WET DREAM!!!!  She’s gorgeous, sweet, steaming hot, she’s savant sexy skilled and totally willing to do anything to make your wildest fantasies come true! Oh yea, they’d kill to have her loyalty, no question about that.

So, if I were investigating the potential contagion vector of such a virus the very first place I’d look is in the public school lunchrooms (those commodity grade vitamin fortified lima beans to be specific, but that’s just a hunch based on acidity and etc).  I’d be willing to bet a beer against a Bronx cheer it will be found, and in far higher concentrations in the rural red regions rather than in the urban blue.  But that’s not the truly paranoid part of the theory.

The paranoid part of the theory goes like this:  allowing for the fact that the hardcore red (say 48% of the overall population) is host and home to the greater majority of the infamous 2% of citizens holding most all the wealth (which would be 4% give or take of the 48%), and allowing for the 2 percent’s absolute need for a voting majority who will never challenge their right to rule the question simply screamed from the rooftops goes like this: were the lima beans infected by an ignoble blue agent, or by a draconian desperate red one? Or worse, by some orange agent representing those who run both and report to MommaMeggaCorp International?  Tag, your guess is as good as mine.  Oh yea, knowing the truth about that one out could get a boy killed.