Folks, this post is in response to an unsavory phenomenon my friend CJ mentioned in a post on her blog page, one she and her sister models are all well acquainted with: the often truly disgusting online behavior displayed by certain elements from the male half of the world towards the lasses and ladies who model nude. In a comment on her post I said I might have a bit to offer as to why they are subjected to such behavior, offered to write out my thoughts on the subject if she'd be interested in reading them. *chuckle* Me and my big mouth. She took me up on it. I am one hundred percent certain I'm not the best qualified to speak to these thoughts, but apparently I'm what's available.
So before I jump into this to get… as the saying goes in my part of the world… naked and nasty about the subject lemme' go brew a pot of coffee, and put this out there right up front: if any of you girls who knew me back in the MET days should read this please don't think ill of me, I am working on the problem where can as can, and please don't hesitate to continue my education with a comment or three. You're the ones who were face to the foe, I was just an observer.
The place I made the observations that grew into these thoughts was a rather unique form of entertainment presented real time live via high end web cam paired with an open chat-room format. The entertainers were models who would portray the erotic persona as an art form, very close to what the Japanese word "Geisha" means: the art of womanhood. The place was unique in several regards, but most notably that it was not a sex show, not as those are today. The rules were both strict and enforced, there was no vulgarity allowed on either side of the lens. The models were prohibited from touching their genitals on camera, if someone said "play with your pussy for me" they were banned, gone, had to beg forgiveness to be allowed to return. The offering was the erotic, not pornography.
In any case, I camped there with the girls for about eighteen months all told while enduring the roughest period in my life, took emotional sanctuary there. God knows if no one else does it was the only sanctuary I had. As a consequence of camping there I received an email questionnaire from the fellow who ran the operation to his regular patrons, he and I corresponded a bit.
In point of fact before all was said and done he'd sent me a copy of what appeared to be the beginning of his dissertation. He was an Italian, but for some reason writing in English, he asked my advice on layout and readability. The subject of his paper was the psychiatric elements of sex addiction, the measurable and sometimes permanent changes in brain chemistry found in those so afflicted caused by the very product he was marketing. I'm sure it was at least in part as a warning, I was logging a lot of hours on his site. I gave such advice as I had, and filed away what I'd read. I'd seen some of those concepts before in other places, never paid much attention to the chemistries involved, but yes, seen before. It looked legitimate to me.
With that for a prompt supported by objective retrospection I'm not adverse to believing what I wandered into in utter ignorance, indeed utterly naïve, might well have been a large scale, self supporting psyche experiment. There was plenty of explicit nudity, every social cue and nuance imaginable to suggest sex and sexuality portrayed by a quite diverse group of women, many of whom could melt the armor off a battleship sitting in the harbor if she wanted to. But by the rules the patrons were not allowed to speak directly to the subject of sex, an artificial constraint very similar to the constraints of contemporary social etiquette concerning sex and sexuality. That singular constraint in that environment enforced on a random group would certainly be a near ideal setup for a profiler making a semantics based analysis to a known stimulus (the action on the screen at the time of the posting). The place just never did quite add up as a totally commercial venture working the cleaner edge of the sex trade.
I'd be more than a bit pissed off to have been used in such a manner if I hadn't been doing the very same thing once the initial fascination wore off, watching the shows and asking myself what in the name of Noah's pet whale would make someone say that* to her at this point in time? Just what kind of people am I keeping company with? What kind of personality would produce such things? Is this what the libbers and lesbians have been bellowing about flushed from cover by the anonymity of the internet? Is this what they think we all are? Up until then I'd considered their entire rant little more than absolute insult and challenge to mortal combat issued by bitterly defective females for some reason hell bent to destroy anything and everything wholesome. But afterwards I was forced to say no, no, if some by some cruel quirk of fate or social convergence those are all they've ever seen then their rants aren't nearly so unjustified as I'd thought. *sad chuckle* In a very real sense the perv and peanut gallery responding to the beautiful woman (who in their eyes) was suffering blatant sexploitation solely for their benefit ended up validating the entire subject of feminism for me.
*(I don't have a transcript of what was posted, the chat buffer was shallow, the browser didn't store even a temporary copy. The best I could do would be paraphrase and emulate, and frankly I don't want to put my head in that mode, it's far more toxic than Turkish tobacco, so I'll be working from the emotional content I perceived from them rather than the literal wordings)
I want to leave the point of the genuine feminist attitude hanging where it can be seen as a reference point on the things to follow. Please understand that by genuine I mean the attitude of respect and compassionate equality between the genders, not the totally egocentric feminazi attitude of absolute female dominance by way of sex enslaved males which I will swear with one hand on the hilts and the other on the holster of my side arm equally exists among more than a few of those who claim themselves of the feminist persuasion.
I want to leave those two diametrically opposite attitudes hanging because I believe they define the amplitude of the wave form (think alternating current electricity) of the social force which powers the disgusting things CJ and her devArt friend Deco were speaking of, the things WWST friend Karl mentioned hearing about from his lady friend, the things I'm sure my muse Alex could delineate out ad nauseam. Those things are more than disgusting, they're pitiful. But truly pity-full or not they happen for a reason and that reason is where I've got to go next... and when I'm done I may crack the seal on the brand new bottle of whiskey sitting in my 'fridge just to wash the bad taste out of my mouth.
Fact the first: pretty much everything under consideration is happening via electronic communication, and these forms of communication are many decades younger than the feminist movement, nearly a century younger if the suffrage movements are allowed the beginnings of feminism. Every one of those who offer such outrage grew up in a culture heavily influenced by the quite justified liberation of the female from her socially mandated second class status. Of course there were degenerate exhibitionists before the internet, before feminism, but they were a tiny number... there was no anonymous way for them to indulge and reinforce their deformity, it was a losing game sure to get you caught if not shot.
Fact the second: to date there has been no real movement to provide the male half of the culture any cause and definition comparable to the feminist movement, in large degree what it is to be a man is hanging in cultural limbo, the old pre-feminist definitions ever more obsolete and meaningless. I strongly suspect, but can't prove, that this lacking is actually the work of the feminazi, it fits their motives perfectly: *disgusted snort* you know, the kindergarten level mentality aimed at the sheople male, those 'male bonding' things seen occasionally... go out in the woods and bang a drum, make yourself fag bait and come home a changed... man? No. In any case God help the male who asks this culture to define to him what it is to be a man, he's pretty well out of luck. About the only place that is going to happen is among the primitive and regressive elements of the fundamentalist religions, and that equally serves the feminazi cause, it puts all their enemies in one known region already on the defensive and retreating to a great many other causes.
Such is the environment for the modern male be he man or not. Such is the environment that produces the orcs and the trolls. Now I need you to back up a bit and go visual for me, I need you to picture the classic bell curve of a normal distribution from the statistics class, let the curve define the amount of decency and dignity found among males/men. I want you to drop the most disgusting troll you can imagine at the far left end of that curve, the negative side. What can serve to define the far right end? Perhaps Mel Gibson's role as Benjamin Martin in The Patriot? Patrick Stuart's portrayal of Star Trek's Captain Jean Luc Picard? Nathan Fillion's character Mal Reynolds in Firefly? Find a few good men to suit yourself to define the right hand side of that curve where it gets close to the X axis out about +3. And of course understand the vast majority will fall somewhere between these extremes, the curve itself gives you the odds of running into any given degree in your day to day life, subject of course to how you go about conducting that life since your choices also influence the statistics.
So what force, what combination of environment and choices made within that environment could push a human being so far into the negative region as to voluntarily do the disgusting things seen? Well, I think it is safe to say whatever it might turn out to be it is not a reason generated by the intellect, a consciously perceived rational thought. No one is going to respond positively to a disheveled stranger, be that stranger male or female, showing their genitals and inflicting a twisted sexual fantasy. Not going to happen. Good grief, the girls working the internet sex shows are drawing upwards of fifty bucks an hour to endure such treatment with a smile on her face (and hopefully pity in her heart).
Therefore I think it is equally safe to say whatever it turns out to be will be a motive of conflicted and painful emotions. From all of the long winded ramblings above I equally assert there is, in fact, no group known to history as vulnerable to conflicted emotional structures as the modern male. Not one but every low level indicator screams this as fact: the explosive rise of fundamentalist religions (yes, the Taliban qualify), the explosion of pornography, the obscene levels of divorce and child/spousal abuse... the list just goes on and on and on. The exhibitionist trolls are totally deformed and pathetic, and in fact just the tip of the iceberg. Gentle reader, only a fool would assume the buoyancy of perversion in the ocean of humanity is the same as the buoyancy of ice floating in salt water!
Turn OFF your sensitivity to vulgar language before reading any further!
What do people do when they find themselves caught, pinned, between nature and social forces so incompatible as to produce such confusion, such conflict? Right, get out the big ugly book of psychology because there are a multitude of dysfunctional structures defined. Way more than I want to tangle with at this moment, the focus is the behavior of the internet sex troll. When the deformed emotions that give rise to their twisted behavior is translated into words what might it sound like? What are they really saying with those images, those words? I'm not an internet sex troll, so I'm not sure I can get the translation exactly right, but I'm willing to bet I can get in the ballpark working from an empirical understanding.
Yo, Bitch! Yea, you! You, the one lookin' at me! I'm talking to you scunt, and you damn well know it. You made me look at yours, you all do it all the time, you do it everywhere and you don't give a damn what it do to us, none of you skags do so here ya' go cunt, take a look a mine. Oh yea bitch, I know how to use it, I know what to do with it. I know what your kind deserves. Oh yea baby, I would do that, that's your kind of love ain't it? If I'm goin' to HELL I'm gonna' go for doin' down a whore like you so at least one of you fucking mommamonsters knows just what your bullshit feels like to me. Yea, I'm goin' to hell, and you know what? You gonna be right there with me 'cause God don't give a shit if you call it art, HE knows better, HE don't give a shit if you think you're all liberated and free and better than any man 'cause HE gonna damn all you whores to hell right along with me and I'm gonna be rippin' out your asshole for all eternity while the devil laughs 'cause God HE knows what you bitches did to all of us with your fancy ass fashions showin' off your virgin ass a' struttin down the road for the good lookin' rich pricks with the fancy cars and all their smart ass bullshit college talk...
Ok, enough of that. If you lost your lunch don't worry about it, that's just proof you're a civilized human being, so go rinse your mouth and brush your teeth. While you do that I'm gonna go get a slug of that whiskey I was talking about and turn on some tunes, because the kind of hatred and prejudice and bigotry the troll was spewing trying to deal with the pain in his life caused by the insecurities and inadequacies our culture put on him really is some nasty stuff.
There it is, bigger than Dallas and twice as ugly. That's what's in play. Don't tell me they shouldn't, don't tell me you can't believe anyone could really be like that. They are, you know it, and it's a terribly sad fact that must be dealt with for a great many more reasons than just protecting the sensibilities of the nude models they so often focus their venom on. The trolls are perhaps the most extreme case, the most vulgar of the easily visible cases, but if you look you'll see elements of that attitude spread up that bell curve about men from the troll's position to about -1.75 give or take a bit, and by social echo those attitudes influence the entire curve by influencing the options open to those who would otherwise be quite immune. The ugly specter of primitive religious theocracy is solidly in those regions, and believe me they draw at least half of their power from the same motives, the same reasons. The troll is vulgar in the extreme, but in point of fact the troll is almost harmless compared to those just above him on the bell curve. This has to be fixed, or folks? It could very easily be the end of civilization as we know it, a thousand year setback to rival the fall of Rome and the dark ages that followed.
How? Damn good question. The trolls are relatively simple, really. Pretty sure they can be backed off, run off before they strike, by simply letting it be known in advance that why they do what they do is known. I may be quite wrong on this, only the lasses and ladies who've dealt with them extensively would actually know, but I seriously doubt a troll would tag into a model where he knows, knows, that what he sends won't be greeted with shock and outrage and revulsion at his attempt to sexually Other her, but rather with sympathetic eyes and gentle laughter. Why do I believe this? Because I saw my muse Alex (whom I met in that chat room, in those days the reigning Queen and Lady of her Land) do just that, I saw every one of her sisters in seduction worthy of mentioning in the same frame with her do it, each woman had her own version of the mother's look that put the trolls silent, and more, put the trolls open for her best efforts to lift him out of his agony with a bit of understanding shared, a bit of compassion offered. Ladies, you know who you are, and I send you my heartfelt salute. You tried, I know you did, I saw you do it.
As for the rest, those higher up on that bell curve? That... is a truly huge subject impacting on society as a whole, and if you aren't tired at this point I am. I'm twelve hours, two and a half pots of coffee and damn near two packs in, it's time for me to pull off and rest. If there are any who'd like to help me hash out a plan for how to approach the rest of the problem I'd be delighted to have you onboard. Later folks, this boy is calling it a day and takin' it to the house.
Looks like you're doing fine on the subject so far, Cyranos, so I won't try to direct your flow of empathy/creativity. I would only add that any form of "fundamentalism" that allows such orkishness is absolutely contrary to the real, heart-central teachings of the actual sacred writings. Only deliberate excisions and distortions of, for example, the Bible allow for such disrespect toward "the other," whether he be red, purple or a she.
ReplyDeleteJochanaan, yup. There's some folks gonna have some explaining to do one of these days...
ReplyDeleteLost your lunch on that diatribe, Cyranos? Women like DecoGoddess and I suffer this stuff all too often in public and private messages on deviantART. You saw some of the garbage spewed out by teenagers not too long ago in 250 comments on one of my journals.
ReplyDeleteSo...yeah, that's it, all right. I see in it aggression and disrespect, blame, hatred, and more. Did men always feel this way about women but had no anonymous pixel cover from which to put it out in front of us? Yeah, that's it, too.
Thank you for this. I guess I hoped to learn something new, but you have just reiterated what I've observed. And I sure don't expect either one of us to come up with any solution, except DecoGoddess and I have decided to stay the course and do what we want, the way we want it, regardless. There's a delete button.
I am going to get up on my pretentious horse and reflect on your post. Like you, I've dabbled here and there on the internet, behind a lens, and in real life. I try to consider myself above the trolls and look down upon them with pity and scorn.
ReplyDeleteMy liberal education based on the foundations of the humanities, science, and other disciplines taught me that this is no way to behave. While eros and sexual freedom is core to my being, trolling is not acceptable, but...
...I feel some of those troll tendencies in the back of my reptilian brain. Sometimes those strong words you wrote float to the surface of my conscious and affect my vision. I have to either repress them or denounce them and try to move on. In ways, I am no better than the trolls living underneath the bridges of the information super highway.
"... to date there has been no real movement to provide the male half of the culture any cause and definition comparable to the feminist movement, in large degree what it is to be a man is hanging in cultural limbo, the old pre-feminist definitions ever more obsolete and meaningless."
Amen. I created a whole separate blog dedicated to this. I consider it my "id" blog. Much of this struggle of what it means to be a man at this time influences my art and pushes me to explore who and what I am. Maybe I need to finally recognize that I am complex and one tiny part of that complexity is the inner troll. It is part of who I am. Now what I should do with that inner troll is another question.
Power has its price. As I read your comments, Cyranos and Karl, I realized women historically have been relatively free of direct sexually aggressive displays. Unfortunately, women have devised indirect ways to gain gender power. We are not blameless, believe me. When DecoGoddess wrote about her deliberate effort to look alluring for holiday parties with the intent of smacking down the trolls, wasn't she describing sexuality as bait?
ReplyDeleteIs it possible the games we play need to go, and in the process the genders can become direct and honest without carrying forward a disrespectful attitude? I don't play games any more, and that may be why I avoid the holiday party scene and delete/ignore disrespectful comments instead of flaming at the guys. Any response becomes a game of some sort, and it always comes down to power.
Who has the upper hand? As the Seinfeld show immortalized, it's about hand. Who has the hand, i.e., the ability to manipulate.
CJ, you doing what you want, when and where you want? Strong suspect that's been you for a long time... like from day one maybe?
ReplyDeleteMe? Lost my lunch? Not hardly, I came up working with quite a few who both carried and spewed that attitude, but since I was writing for an open audience I thought an acknowledgement of just how gross such thought really is would be appropriate. It did cause me some distress to put my head into misogyny mode, I've taken a full day to let it vent down and dissipate. It's hard to imagine living in that mode continuously, but some do.
You ask "did men always feel this way about women...?" Taking men as the plural of man, and marking clear the difference between male and man, then from my observations the answer is no, not at all. But male refers to half the species while man is a subset of that population. That’s why I brought up the whole bell-curve thing, trying to get away from single label descriptor/definition enforced on a wide range of people, trying to induce a two if not three dimensional view of the problem.
The internet has provided the means for the trolls to attack, but not the motive. Repulsive as it was I put a fully considered best effort into the rant-in-italics to cover a good sampling of the (not really rational, but definable) factors that motivate the troll. The real problem that I alluded to, but didn't define, is the negative skew in that bell curve induced by the last seventy some years of history. It really isn't a normal distribution, not anymore. And it doesn't take but a few degrees of negative skew to cause the number of trolls to become not only a hundred fold more common but courtesy of the internet empowered to act.
Correcting the cause of that negative skew is my cause, lest that curve become so unbalanced it topples off the razor edge of civilization. That's why I opened with the story of the MET chat room, or was it psyche experiment? In that place I saw that skew being reversed, saw how to make it happen. It didn't seem to take all that long or that much, but it had to hit at exactly the right time, a sniper shot if you will to disable the foundation source and let someone heal. The ladies I was most fond of were good shots, all of 'em were. Even if they were only working to improve their own work environment they proved it can be done. The question hanging now is how to get enough of that action underway to actually make a dent in the larger problem before that problem puts a huge dent in everyone's lifestyle.
I had to plug both your and Carla's posts and add a video over at my blog. Thank you for writing this personal and deep piece.
ReplyDeletehttp://ksutphin.blogspot.com/2011/12/gender-and-sexual-dynamics.html
Karl, it's good to know you're in the mix.
ReplyDeleteThe inner troll, the ugly little man, he's in all of us to a greater or lesser degree. As a matter of fact dealing with that ugly element we all have (be we male or female, everyone carries scars that twisted off into an attitude) is a main theme of "Daughters," the first of my anti-porn series of short stories. Where the ugly little man isn't a nice thing to admit still and all though he doesn't have to be a useless thing as long as we don't let him run the shop, and for this reason: every such weakness we hold a line against gives us a perspective and understanding to be shared with our fellows to the intent of strengthening each other's defenses against such deformations, and finding ways to minimize the sorts of things that create such unsavory elements in the first place. It's an old truism of warfare: your plan of battle can be no better than your intel on your enemy's intentions and objectives. Considered in that frame of reference the ugly little man becomes a positive asset in the cause of defeating not only him, but all of his kind. As the Klingons say: K'pla!
I'm not sure that bell curve is any more skewed than it ever has been, Cyranos. But in many centuries past, such trolls generally didn't read, write or publish...
ReplyDeleteCJ, the strongest hand, the most powerful hand, is that hand which has the greatest understanding of what is being manipulated, being worked with or against. It's an old saying, trust the motive trust the man... if the motive is within reach of changing the rest will take care of itself.
ReplyDeleteIn all sincerity CJ this problem is primarily a male thing, and the males/men are going to have to fix it. But to do that many will need the tools, the understanding of how to use those tools. That's where you girls who model come in, those who need them the worst are drawn to you, not understanding that what drew them there was the unashamed self-honesty inherent to nudity. The vast majority of the problem is of social origins, and where there is clothing society has power, where there is not societies influence is diminished and the truth of the individual is much more open to understanding. Have you read "Art of the Dreamweaver?" Anything, anything you can see your way clear to doing by way of providing them with such understanding, such tools, can do so much good. To even crack open the subject of how much good it can do (things just I've seen) would be a small book in it's own right.