Of Man and Muse

The verse pretty well says it all, but if you want the back story read on...


===originally published April 2011===

I knew her as Alex, Alexandra... and it was she who taught me I have poetry in me. It is a funny sort of confession to admit a model hosting a chat room for aging lonely hearts was the beginnings of a poet, but it is true enough. Before I met her some five years ago I'd never written a verse in my life. Her compassion for the human condition coupled with her mastery of the erotic as art was so acute, and so subtle, as to allow her to teach those who were willing to learn how to separate lust from its' sources and channel those energies into other areas. In me those energies found a home in the arts, if you enjoy any of the works I post a thank you is owed to her as well, she was the initiating event.

To my thought she is also proof it doesn't really matter what profession a person follows, or what paths they may have walked to arrive in that profession... where there is a good heart God will find a way for that goodness to spread. I know she improved my life, I know she improved the lives of others who kept her company, who enjoyed her beauty and her charm and a wisdom much older than her years. The same goodness cannot be claimed for all who work that job, but of her, yes. I am not the only one who would testify to such in a court of law.

For a time we thought we had lost her, world wide probably two hundred men quietly mourned, she was dear to us. In late November of 2007 she suddenly vanished, not a word, not a hint to anyone. When no one in her usual circle of friends had heard from her in a week, when she hadn't contacted her parents her companion Selene started from their home in the south, going north, her parents started from their home near Moscow going south, and Selene found her a week later a comatose Jane Doe cut out of an autobahn accident clinging to life in a hospital midway between.

So the story was told, and we all thought God, no, please let that just be a story, let it be that she was just tired and wanted to quit, or let it be the accident will weigh three kilo at birth and have her momma's blue eyes. We hoped, but over the next months the story came back the same from every source: yes, she's out of the hospital, yes, her body is healing well but she is different now, so quiet. We all wished her well thinking we'd never hear from her again. But Alex is a lady, she wouldn't let it stand that we were left to wonder. She resurfaced, made it a point to be where she knew we'd find her. It would appear we were told the truth, and equally during the times between our hopes did come true: yes, you can see, barely, where the surgeons did magnificent work restoring her beauty, and yes her daughter does indeed have her momma's blue eyes. So, things won't go back as they were, Alex has much more important things to tend to now. But the toast remains the same, only now it can be with a smile instead of a tear: To Lady Alexa, sweet Alex, the one and only... cheers!

You see, God has funny ways of answering prayers. I met Alex when my wife had driven me out of the house with venom and insanity, when my children rejected me with contempt, when the only reason I stayed in town was a promise I'd made my niece… that no matter what happened with her parent's divorce Uncle 'Nos would be a grown up in her corner, tell her the truth, look after her, I could not betray the child.

It was then this woman most would scorn, call her a cam-girl, stripper, predator hussie, it was during those months I 'visited' what had been my home that she, who made her living off lonely men, was the one and only point of support and acceptance in my life, and that in fact tipped a balance that has had great consequences for many lives around mine. I never bought any of her time in private, in fact I declined a direct invitation, I was just another name in her advertiser shows. In one of those shows, right at the very end of the show, she turned and looked full into the camera with compassion and concern on her face and said "'nos, I know men, and you are a good man, you keep trying, something is not right, you keep trying, and you are welcome where I am anytime." And she told me that out of the clear blue, in public, she only knew tiny fragments of my life, my circumstances, not as much as I just told you. Because of that touch of compassion, what had to be simply intuition guided by the wisdom of experience my wife, healed now, still has a husband, my children know where to find their father. I tell you these things so perhaps you'll understand a bit of why I carry a genuine love for her, why now she is counted in my extended family of the heart even if she does live in Russia with her child and hopefully with a good man who loves her even more than I.